Jung Tsai
“Grandchildren are God’s way of compensating us for growing old.”—Mary H. Waldrin
11 years ago, I have my first grandchild from my daughter, Fausan in Walnut Creek, California. Like many fresh novel grandparents, we didn’t know how to behave or act what we normally and supposedly should. Now, I had five of them and I wanted to share my learning experiences and stories of joy with you.
To begin with, weren’t at the bedside or hospital, we were nearly three thousand miles away waiting for the call of healthy delivery. It tells the distinctive status between parents and grandparents because they are ours and yet not ours.
Later, When Fiona was four, I published an essay “Why do grandparents get along well with grandchildren? —because they have common enemies.“ I described the brand new world where the precious relationship of growing up together occurred. When her son Winston was born, we had less exchanged but they visit us every Christmas season to build that tie. We treasure and cherish that holiday arrangement merrily.
Human beings are intriguing animals as everyone is an independent entity. There is diversity of choices for us to make and definitely it isn’t anything or nothing to do with right or wrong. Someone wants to be single. Some couples don’t want to have kids. Likewise, I have known some
people do not want anything to do with their grandchildren.
But that is not in my case. I love to spend time with all of them. After adding a new baby girl Mila, my son decided to move back to the same town, Short Hills in New Jersey where he grew up. He was fed up with the daily ambulance noise when COVID-19 invaded the city. Not by her choices, Aria becomes the big sister who takes care of the young Mila. It facilitates and expatiates the maturity of Aria. She is very proud of being in that position.
The photo of her first-anniversary birthday party is stuck on the wall of the refrigerator. Seeing it daily, Aria and I remember vividly that I was singing along on stage as she looked upon me on her baby safety seat at Queens Crossing Mall with more than fifty people. I never believed in “falling in love at first sight” until my granddaughter Aria was born. I knew how an adorable baby could attract people as five of us squeezed into my utility car fighting City traffic during busy hours from Mt. Sinai Hospital to Stephen’s one-bedroom apartment in lower Manhattan. It was very interesting and surprising that she was so quiet ,grin and her eyes just looked at everyone during the car trip. We get along well with intimacy-bond. and We have never rejected each other. Often times she comforted me with tears when I was in despair.
Aria has high pitch vocal prowess and I wanted her to take vocal lessons which was rejected for being too young. So I became a sole private trainer. As a surgeon I know anatomy and how to exercise the Diaphragm and Abdominal muscle to produce high quality voice. I am impressed by the ability of such a quick learner. I even teach her ballroom dance. She likes it too. She also love to read and write me.
Luke, the one and only boy was a great and amazing kid in spite of being a master of crying for nothing. He would reach a hysterical level of rage in response to my singing gospel song to him while he’s crying “Don’t Cry”—Why do you cry? He is not death. Nonetheless, he is a good Chess player in his age level. We discussed about Spanish Opening and French Defense of the Chess game . In order to compete against him I had to secretly take classes for seniors to get the stalemate, never mind winning. Among other things I have always been mesmerized by the strength they possess when I physically played ball games with them even my favorite-basketball.
Baby Mila is a very sensitive creature. Once we were home alone. She agreed my suggestion to stroll around the neighborhood. After several blocks, I then hid behind a SUV and she started to wonder then sob and then cry of never stop due to her frightening thoughts in the empty quiet streets. She never forget and forgive me for that incident. Looking back I learned a lesson that we should be aware of their subtlety and fragility.
There are many things I never have time to do with my own kids. Now I take my time playing with them without any goals oriented. It is also so much reminds me of raising my children. As parents we sometimes have to be strict, maintain long term prospects. As grandpa I have come to learn to loosen up a bit and believe that at the end of the day they will all grow up fine as long as they are comfortable and consistent with what they love to pursue for their life’s prospective.
Every visit, upon arrival they are all line up with outlandish smiles and warm hugs that truly make my day. Why do they welcome me? I don’t know. Maybe I possessed some knacks of being a good storyteller and liked to play magic tricks and hide-and-seek with them. One time, Aria hid under the chair in our large dining room for a long time she wouldn’t come out, believing it was a successful hiding and fell asleep. I had to tuck her into bed. Their silent taught me more than words could ever have.
Grandchildren give us sense and by reminder of continuity and we will live through them. Yet, there are walls(their parents) that need to be penetrated. I am a lucky grandpa my daughter, son, and in-law are so generous with their children and value the important relationship with me. We are all blessed.
While completing my essay I have noted Mr. Izer Tilson 108-year-old of Illinois who was born on the fourth of July and departed 2023, married his high school sweat heart, and they raised fifteen children who gave him more than 100 grandchildren. I wonder if his longevity is a reward from his many grandkids.